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A Small World of Obscurity

Sitting under the stars

I grew up feeling tall. I felt big compared to most things around me and had never even considered that you can feel small in the world. I mean, why would you dimmish yourself, make yourself feel small on purpose? It didn’t feel like an option.

My feelings were big, my dreams were big, and my love for those around me was big. I had a big family, a big circle or friends, a big variety of hobbies keeping me interested in all the big things life has to offer along the way.

Life was strangely easy to navigate. Not every small thing was easy, of course, but life in general felt easy, like there was a purpose to what I was doing, and where I was heading.

Something changed, and the big light surrounding me suddenly shut down, it was dark. I could see the light and the dreams of those around me, but my light had gone out. It didn’t feel temporary, but I was hoping it was, just a temporary loss of light.

I kept progressing through this life (now didn’t feel so easy), remembering what I was doing and what I wanted to achieve before this light went out. I didn’t have the same dreams or goals, surely not the same motivation, but I remembered how I felt before and I kept going towards the same goals, with the same drive, hoping the light would turn itself back on at some point.

The world started to feel a little bigger, and I a little smaller. The light did come back, but it was so dim that I kept stumbling along the way, trying to find the path again. Everything felt bigger than what I remembered, but I couldn’t see it. Was it just that it felt bigger? Or was the world suddenly bigger? Had I shrunk?

I feel small. My dreams feel like a shadow of their former selves, still big. Everything around feels big, but everything in my life feels small. When had the world become so daunting? So huge and overwhelming?

Life is strangely hard to navigate. Every small thing is hard and the purpose can be hard to find. It’s a strange world to live in, yet we choose to continue navigating with this dim light, hoping we’ll find the path to the bright big (but not daunting) world we used to know.

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