Do you know what it feels like? It’s somehow not wanting to let people go, but letting them go before they have a chance to, so you’re not hurt.
It’s feeling lonely but not being able to reach out because you don’t want to give them a chance to hurt you later. It is feeling like everyone’s going to leave you at a certain point, so you’re not sure how much effort you want to put into a new friendship.
I can point almost to the exact date where everything went sideways – and it wasn’t necessarily someone leaving me willingly, but it still left a scar. Years later I had finally opened my life up to someone, was surrounded by friends and was able to have long lasting relationships, until that very person decided to ghost me and mercilessly open up that wound again, one that ended up never closing again. Ever since, I’ve not been able to stay close with anyone in the fear that they will hurt me just as much. I’m just not able to keep talking with people I love, because that effort is not worth the pain.
How do you heal from that? Is there even a good way to fix it?